Homeschooling A Perfectionist

If your child gets frustrated easily and often feels uncomfortable with new challenges, you might be homeschooling a perfectionist. At first, teaching a perfectionist seems like a great problem to have. After all, what’s wrong with kids who constantly want to be the best and push themselves to improve?

The reality is that perfectionism can make learning difficult for kids and parents. Perfectionism can be unhealthy, creating a heavy burden of overwhelming fear that kids aren’t equipped to manage. This drive for excellence can encourage diligence and an amazing work ethic, but it can also lead to anxiety, emotional meltdowns, and low self-esteem.

Homeschooling a perfectionist can get tricky when kids avoid learning because they’re too focused on errors and afraid of failure to navigate new challenges. Fortunately, there’s hope. Perfectionists can become excellence-seekers with encouragement and creative learning ideas. Discover my favorite ideas for parents homeschooling a perfectionist and get some homeschool resources for all kinds of learners to enjoy this year.

How Perfectionism Affects Learning

Perfectionism is characterized by setting high, often impossible, standards for yourself and becoming critical when they aren’t reached. These traits can lead to kids with high personal standards who put lots of effort into doing a great job. Perfectionists want to be the best at everything. Being a perfectionist can have a big impact on learning.

If you’re homeschooling a perfectionist, you’ve probably already figured out that the all-consuming desire to do things perfectly can become overwhelming. Kids can develop low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and exaggerated reactions to mistakes. Ultimately, their quest for perfection can become a difficult load to carry that affects their learning negatively.

Perfectionist traits can get in the way of a child’s ability and desire to participate, complete tasks, and engage in new activities. These kids commonly feel they must meet impossibly high standards and engage in rigid thinking. They overgeneralize when they fail and focus on the negatives. This can lead to kids giving less weight to the positives or forgetting them altogether.

These distorted thoughts get turned into filters and perfectionist kids start to see the world differently. They zero in on information and experiences that confirm their worst fears. This can lead to heartbreaking thoughts and filtering out positive experiences, making kids avoidant and unsure of themselves and their abilities.

Over time, kids who struggle with perfectionism can go from working diligently to achieve high goals to avoiding learning or experiencing new things out of a deep fear of failure. So how can parents homeschooling a perfectionist help their kids overcome these rigid thinking patterns?

Homeschooling A Perfectionist: Ideas and Encouragement

At first, homeschooling a young perfectionist sounds like a dream. They want to do everything well and put in lots of effort. Perfectionists won’t do a halfway job at anything. Sounds like a dream right?

Any homeschool parent teaching a perfectionist will quickly tell you it’s not easy. Teaching a perfectionist can mean hours of struggling through emotional meltdowns with kids who can’t handle making any mistakes. If your child has ever cried because they accidentally wrote the number 3 backward or their 4 didn’t look like the one printed in the math book, you know exactly what I mean.

Often, perfectionism is a trait that goes hand in hand with giftedness. For gifted kids, many things come easily when they’re young and it’s easy for them to get the idea that everything will always be easy. When it’s not, they can become overwhelmed.

For parents, homeschooling a perfectionist can be a challenge but there is encouragement. Check out some of my favorite ideas and tips below.

Embrace Their Unique Learning Style

Embracing your child’s unique learning style can help kids with perfectionist tendencies. If we want to encourage children struggling with perfectionism, embracing their learning styles and interests is an excellent place to begin.

Considering a child’s learning style and adapting teaching methods accordingly can help kids learn material more easily, increase retention, and make it easier for kids struggling with perfectionism to be successful. Taking our kids’ interests into consideration when we plan lessons will encourage them to give new activities a try, even when they feel difficult or tricky.

Stay Positive

It’s important to stay positive when you’re homeschooling a perfectionist. Warn kids ahead of time with phrases like “Wow! They’re going to try to trick you.” This places the blame on the assignment or problem, not your child.

Focusing on “tricky” words and equations can help kids to feel more secure in attempting even if it might lead to a mistake. Staying positive helps perfectionist children begin to understand that it’s not the end of the world if they don’t do it perfectly the first time.

Encourage Growth Mindset

Cultivating a growth mindset during homeschool lessons can help kids learn that it’s not about the finished product, it’s about the effort they put into it. Kids with a strong growth mindset are more resilient and less likely to engage in rigid thinking and self-doubt.

What’s a growth mindset all about? Adopting a growth mindset focuses on the effort rather than what is right or “perfect.” This attitude encourages resilience and problem-solving skills. Plus, it’s a great way to help your boost your perfectionist’s self-esteem.

Normalizing failure by sharing our own mistakes and struggles can help our kids see that failure is a part of life and it’s not the end of the world. Talk about failure in a matter-of-fact way. Sharing our struggles and letting our kids know that even adults make mistakes makes it easier for them to deal with their own mistakes.

It can be helpful to give perfectionists examples from history too. Many of the amazing inventors, athletes, artists, and achievers we celebrate today experienced failures early in their careers. Learning that even famous people like Thomas Edison and the Wright Brothers experienced failure can be motivating for young perfectionists.

Discover the Power of “Yet”

There’s a little word with lots of power for your perfectionist. The word “yet” is the perfect way to combat catastrophic thinking when your child says something like “I can’t ride a bike!”

Before the emotions get too high, chime in with a small but powerful “YET” and watch what happens. Believing in the power of yet is a declaration that yes, you can improve and achieve your goals. It’s an acknowledgment that success doesn’t happen overnight, it requires effort, time, practice, and even mistakes.

When perfectionists get excited about the power of yet, they realize they don’t have to focus on being perfect the first time. This is an amazing realization for perfectionists! Yet teaches kids that continued effort leads to progress and, eventually, success even if it doesn’t happen right away. This knowledge is a huge advantage for homeschoolers who want to pursue a lifetime of learning together.

Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can help calm feelings of overwhelm and give kids a chance to pause and regulate their own emotions. Mindfulness increases attention and calms our bodies. We can practice mindfulness in a variety of ways. Try a few yoga poses, deep breathing techniques, or time spent in nature to encourage mindfulness with children.

Homeschool Resources For All Learners

Finding homeschool resources for all kinds of learners can be challenging. Interest-led options for quirky kids can make a big difference when you’re homeschooling a perfectionist. Check out some of our homeschool resources for all learners to find something your kids will love this school year:

What are your favorite tips and encouraging reminders for homeschooling a perfectionist? Do you have a strategy that’s not on my list? Share your ideas in the comments.